What's the 1 element that's often missed?
Remember a time when you wanted to work towards a new goal or change something. How did you feel about the goal and the steps to get there? What did you say to yourself?
If you felt 100% positive and focused, that’s fantastic. I’m sure you will be able to connect that outlook with the successes you have enjoyed. But the reality from my experience of working with people over the years is that it’s often not the case. Or at least it can take a fair amount of coaching and support to begin to make some progress. And since my passion is supporting people to unlock their potential and live life to the full, that’s something I’m paying attention to!
On the surface, it might seem that the missing ingredient is finding the time and energy, focus, or motivation. You know those things you tell yourself like “I should be able to do this…”, “I’ll get started after the weekend…”, “If I could just get this other thing done… then I’ll be able to do it”.
When we begin to explore patterns of thoughts and behaviour, we find something else. Imagine an iceberg, just the tip of it visible above the water. That’s where the stories we tell ourselves play out, the distracting thoughts that can actually take us further away from our goals and passion in life.
The answer lies much deeper, below the surface, in the depths of our subconscious. So here it is: I find that the missing element is very often SELF-COMPASSION.
First of all we have to learn to be kinder towards ourselves. Compassion holds the key to deeper personal change and growth, and gives us greater potential to be compassionate towards others (more on that in a future post!). If we don’t start with ourselves, we can embark down a path of beating ourselves up if we’re not getting anywhere, and end up feeling smaller than we did before. And it’s really not helping us get to where we want to be.
We can go much further, sooner, and with a lot more resilience and tenacity, if we can learn to be kind to ourselves and start to build positive patterns of thoughts and behaviour. Then we find momentum, and notice positive changes starting to become bigger ones.
Do you want to experience more compassion and connection for yourself? Complimentary consultations are extended to 45 minutes throughout this month. You will have an opportunity to experience coaching and find out how I can support you.
Please contact me for more information.
And a final thought on HOW we can experience more compassion and connection:
We can transform our experience by shifting our focus from ‘doing’ to ‘being’. When we are in task-mode or pre-occupied with getting stuff done, we may not be in the present moment. So we’re less likely to feel connected with our experiences and with the people around us.
One of the easiest ways to find that connection is to visit somewhere in your imagination or memories, where you feel truly connected. My favourite place for this is Loch Morlich in the Highlands of Scotland. As soon as I arrive, I am captivated by the mirror-like reflection of the Cairngorms on the silvery loch, the herbal aroma of the ancient pine forest, the crunch of the coarse sand under my feet and the waves lapping on the shore. It’s such a simple way to connect with myself and I become still and peaceful. I pause and let the sense of connection build, and I notice how good it feels. I feel my body relax and let go. In just a few moments, any worries I was carrying from the past or concerns about the future drift away and I am truly present.
To find your way with compassion and presence, join me at a workshop in Edinburgh coming up soon. Find out more here.